It's 1pm, I should get up

New Year's was a doozy this year. Even though the only drink I had was the champagne at midnight. Compare that to the Maya all of Baltimore saw on the 11 o'clock news, who was babbling about yay alcohol and hot toddies or something. I was playing a character, OK? Apparently normal people consume alcohol as the fun thing to do, so I wanted to look normal. Came off as crackbaby, but that's nothing new. A lady at work texted me after the news came on (which I didn't see because we were on a boat) to say she saw us. Can't wait for work on Monday.

So anyway. What I did for New Year's: a couple days earlier, a friend of ours was buying tickets for a dinner cruise and wondered if he should be buying four. We said sure. New Year's Eve had freaking 50 mph winds all day long, and it was only when I was leaving work for the grocery store (hair dye) that I thought maybe Dramamine would be a good idea. This set of pre-panic attacks, and made me nervous the rest of the evening. Awesome.

We got to the launch point at the Inner Harbor, and I recognize a reporter from the NBC station. Couldn't remember her name, but she was coming towards us! There was two boats lied up waiting for people, but one had a long line waiting in front of it, and the other was ours with a later boarding time. So we were hanging out in the cold and wind doing the recon before we hid someplace warm to wait for board time. The reporter lady was just wandering around looking for reactions to the news the fireworks were cancelled (they go from a barge, and it was too windy). So we talked about the cold and the cost to get on the boat. I think the only people down there were those of us waiting to get on a boat, not anyone hanging out waiting for fireworks, but still. Even if there had been fireworks, I wouldn't have been down there if I hadn't paid for a dinner cruise.

Anyway, we waited inside the foodcourt building thing (which I don't remember being so big from the last time I was down there) and it seriously was filled with cops. We had an almost 1:1 ratio. I guess it made me feel safer, but I still would have liked Hubby to have broken the law by carrying Mr. KelTec. I later found out he did bring along the bad guy dissuading flashlight I got him for Christmas, so it's all good. We got on the boat, sat down with the third couple we were with, and promptly got to people watching. Oh. My. God. This cruise thingy was the best people watching I have ever done. There was a pretty good mix of people, for one thing: white G's with their pants low and doorags, good ol' boys with their Budweiser jackets and hats, couples in their 20's dressed to the nines, older folks dressed respectfully, and of course a wide-ranging assortment of awesome tackiness.

The food was good, normal. Nothing exotic. The ride was actually pretty smooth. Go to a map of the Bay: the boat left the Inner Harbor and made it way slowly to just past the Key Bridge, which is 695. We sat and circled there for the whole time, and probably would have seen the fireworks from there. So, it looks like the boat never gets out into the open water, or else it would have been very rough. And I noticed that the boat travelled by making turns, instead of just going straight at full speed (as it did on the way back in). So I wonder if that is a tactic to keep the ride smoother than by going straight slowly.

Yeah, there was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin' and I just have to describe the two worst offenders of the tacky rule. Keep in mind it was roughly 35F outside. There was a young woman wearing a romper. It was light colored. She was wearing black tights and tall black boots. The tights were no good, I don't know why she was wearing them, the outfit would have looked OK, I guess, with just the boots. But anyway. I didn't actually know anyone wore this outfit. Out in public even! But the best part of this look? She's a white girl with absolutely no ass to speak of. I mean it was totally flat. I didn't think it was possible to have that flat of an ass. I wonder if she had surgery? I mean she just looked funny. She could have been wearing this little outfit shaking her round little ass around the dancefloor, but the complete absence of ass made her look silly.

And now for the piece d'resistance. This woman (I think?) must have come from the upper floor because I hadn't seen her(?) until the dancing started. "She" was honestly like a caricature of a character of a hooker on Reno 911. She was a large black woman(?) with big giant boobs leaking over the top of her 3-sizes-too-small boustier thing (red leopard print!) and had a big ol' hat on that really hid a lot of "her" face, and long extensions done in two big braids. The bottom part of the "outfit" was more red leopard print, short shreds of fabric that barely covered "her" cooch. I don't have a picture because it was dark most of the time, and I only brought the iPhone. "She" looked like "she" was having a good time with the other people around "her", don't know if they all came together or what. I'm sure "she" is a perfectly nice person, but lord almighty what an outfit!

So back to dock and everyone started leaving. The company didn't seem to be enforcing any sort of drunk driving prevention, like holding back to the obviously drunk guy that repeatedly almost ripped the speakers off the wall and was trying to hump the post they were attached to. But it's not like they were kicking people off the boat or anything. You probably could stay on board for maybe another half hour, I don't know. But it was a fun evening, the champagne didn't make me gag like it usually does, and I didn't even need the Dramamine! Yay no barfies!